To Dennis and All:

Let Abdulaye Dukule tell us how many of his family members (immediate & distant), childhood friends, children etc. were raped, given drugs and deadly weapons at age 7 years or so and turned into killing machines, made to rape their own mothers, sisters, brothers, made to flogged their fathers, made to watch the opening of their pregnant mothers stomach, made to watch the raping of their mothers, sisters, aunts etc., made to watch the beheading of their fathers, made to watch the sodomizing of their fathers, older brothers, uncles  in their presence, made to burn down their villages, in the name of promoting their political masters. Let Abdulaye Dukule tell us how many of his daughters, sisters, aunts, nieces, nephews cousins, brothers, uncles, etc., are now being constrained to engage in disgraceful acts such as prostitution, robbery or black money scams just to make a living in Liberia today. We have to be careful how people justify their actions especially when it has brought about more than 250, 000 deaths and the destruction of the nation.

People like Dukule who are making this justification will never know how it is to have your entire family killed, a love one still missing, see dogs eat the remains of a love one, or watch your 9 years old daughter gang raped in your presence. They will never know or feel what it is for children to watch their father sodomized by fighters in their presence because they wanted to destroy his manhood. Dukule brought his daughters to the States as babies and because he is not from Liberia originally therefore, none of his siblings or relatives lived in Liberia to have been victims of the carnage. What has happen to Liberia is not a matter to be trivialized. The arrogance and lack of sympathy for victims by those that directed and implemented the suffering makes it harder for people to move on. It is easier to heal when the one who has hunted you can express remorse and amplify this gesture of remorse by good deeds. I will leave you guys with just a couple of the stories that have hunted me to this day whenever the issue of victims of the war is raised.

1. At the Public hearings of the TRC in Gbarpolu County, a slender woman in her 40s weighing about 1.30 lbs. testified that when NPFL fighters entered the town, some how they were told that the lady and husband had some money. The lady and her husband were obviously hard working farmers, they had a saw mill, a large farm and a son who was finishing high school and his parents were saving to send him to Monrovia for college. The fighters grabbed the women and husband, tabae (to tie both arms in a duck like form behind the back until both elbows are touching each other so that the chest is protruding outward. In this position, if one should just apply a little pressure on the chest with any sharp instrument, the chest will burse open) them, and started beating them up asking them to bring their money. The woman said she did not know where the money was and the man said he did not have any money either. The fighters continued the torture of these poor people.

The lady testified that after a while when they still could not say where the money was, one fighter exclaimed to his colleagues, "your leave them, I know how they will tell us where they are hiding the money". The fighters then proceeded to take the woman to a tree. They tied her upside down in the tree butt naked. They spread her legs apart, got hot kanyon pepper, grinded it and used a spoon to shove the pepper into her private part. When she blocked out, they put her down, wasted water on her, revived her and started asking her questions again. When she still could not say where the money was, they put her back up the tree again and began the pepper punishment all over. She blocked out for the second time and for the second time, they put her down, revived her, continued the interrogation and when she still could not say where the money was, they put her back up the tree and resumed shoving the pepper into her private part. As the previous two times, she blocked out. They took her down from the tree and revived her again. But by this time, the husband who was being beaten and made to watch the torture of his wife, finally told the fighters where he had hidden the family money and other valuables. When the fighters were approaching the town, the husband took all the money and other values they had in the house, put them in a pig foot barrel and went to his farm, dug a hole and buried the barrel there. He never told his wife because he felt that if he had done so, she would have told the fighters under pressure to save their lives.  The woman told the TRC that her husband's only dream was to have his son sent to Monrovia to attend colleague when the war was over thus, he was hiding the money for that purpose. The fighters went on the farm and took the entire pig foot barrel but luckily, spared the lives of the woman and husband. Unfortunately, the fighters  forcible recruited the couple college bound son as a fighter. The story ends on a sad note because the boy about 19 years old at the time went with the fighters and never retuned home. He is still missing. 

2. I headed the women's project on the TRC and during Statement taking, we realized that initially most of the statements from women were coming from urban women. The women in the villages were shy to participate heavily in the process. Their husbands and partners were also preventing them from coming to testify to the TRC. To encourage more traditional women to participate in the process, I wrote several projects targeting indigenous women. One of such project was a three day workshop with the "Zoes" in all 15 counties. We co-implemented this project with the traditional women association headed by one of the Chief Zoes, Mama Torma. The even was held at the traditional village in Dudu Town on Bomi High way. For one week I was in Dudu town everyday organizing with the women for the workshop. We had transported at least 72 Zoes from the 15 Counties for the project. They stayed at the village for 3 days for the workshop. During those days, these traditional women leaders, healers, head of their communities and the voice of traditional women began telling their stories. Because they were speaking in the various vernaculars, we had interpreters. One of the women, very beautiful and stately, stood up to share her story. She was one of the Zoes from out of town. She estimated her age in 2007 during the workshop to have been about 81 years old. She narrated that when NPFL fighters entered their town, they captured her and kept her in her house with them. She estimated their ages to have been between 17-23 years of age. She said they told her "Oldma, we will not kill you because we need you to care for us". She became their cook, was washing their clothes and they were raping her and gang raping her repeatedly several times a night, all four of them for months until the place change hands to another fighting force. It was particularly heart breaking when she beat her chest and exclaimed looking up into the sky that what hurts her the most was that all of the boys were the ages of some of her grand children. She said the 17 year old fighter was the most brutal and would rape her several times in one night. Sometimes they would beat her while gang raping her. All  the while this grandmother was telling her story, I had my head bow down the whole time, I could not look her in the eyes. I felt so humiliated as a woman, I was hurt. Finally at the end of the workday when we had our entertainment period, I pulled her aside and hugged her tightly and cried on her shoulders like a baby, I just could not imagine her pain and humiliation. But, I could not help noticing that these women carried themselves with such dignity and grace in the face of what they had suffered. Today, their scar is still raw due to acute poverty and the rejection some of them are facing form their communities. At least if their livelihood had improved, it would assist them heal a little. But their state of poverty and to see their perpetrators become the lords of the land and the rich ones, must be so painful for these people.  

3. During the Public hearings in Grand Gedeh County, a young girl in her early 20s came to testify. You could tell that she came from a middle class traditional Grand Gedean family. Her father was a local pastor. She was the only girl of three boys. She and her brothers were gifted students and in classes ahead of their ages. They went to private schools. She would have graduated from high school at age 17 had it not been for the war. She was articulate when she addressed the hearings and conducted herself with such grace as well. The girl testified that when the NPFL fighters entered Zwedrew, they came to their house and demanded that everybody come outside. They came outside and the torture began. She said the fighters told her father that they were going to take her away to be their wife. Her father started pleading with them to spare his virgin daughter. She was only 16.  Finally one of the fighters said to the father "You love your daughter so much, if you want us to leave her alone than give your life for her to show how much you love her" The father started pleading now for his life as well. The fighters insisted that was the only bargain they could reach with him, that he much give his life to save his daughter from rape. Finally when the father realized that the fighters were serious, he agreed to their proposal. He was going to give his life for his daughter's pride. However, he asked them to grant him one request. He wanted to be killed behind his church. The fighters agreed to the father's request and took the entire family behind the church where they beheaded the father and forced the mother and her children to watch. Unfortunately, after the murder of the father, the fighters grabbed the young girl and gang raped her at the same spot. The girl said when they were raping her, they said to her " your father was a stupid man to die for woman business". When the young girl testified, she blamed herself for her father's murder and cried bitterly stating that it was because of her that her good father was killed. She could not forgive herself. Unfortunately, the tragedy of this family did not end with the killing of the father and raping of the daughter. They also raped the mother and took away the two sons as fighters. This once promising Liberian family was now destroyed.

4. When Ali Syllah came to the TRC Diaspora Hearings in Minnesota to testify on behalf of his family that had suffer so much during the war, Commissioners and perhaps the audience were not prepared for what he would say. But as Ali, a very bright an articulate young man did his family proud when he passionately narrated how their father and two brothers were killed by the INPFL fighters in Monrovia and the difficulty he encountered while trying to get the rest of his siblings out of Liberia and into Sierra Leone. Ali spoke about how they were hunted down in Monrovia to be killed by fighters simply because they are Mandingoes. The hearing officer had to call for  recess because Commissioners were crying and members of the audience were also crying . There was not a dry eye in the auditorium of Hamlin University that day where the hearings was held.  I remembered walking over to Commissioner Oumu Syllah and hugged her for a long time tightly not wanting to let go as if wanting her pain to disappear. All commissioners had experienced the war and have our own stories of pain but, hearing the story of grave suffering of a colleague by a family member was so vivid and compelling.. After her brother's testimony that day, I began to look at Commissioner Oumu Syllah in a new light. I have always loved Oumu but all of a sudden , I realized how much stronger she was and how gracious she is to remain the kind of decent person that she is in the face of such adversity. I have asked myself several times, how will I react if someone killed my father the way Oumu lost her father so foolishly, simply because they are Mandingoes and her father was prosperous after all of his hard work.

5. When LPC fighters captured Maryland, they took a prominent woman who was an active member of the community, stripped her butt naked and carried her on the beach. They lay her on the sand, spread her legs apart and shoved sand in her vagina while the entire public was watching. She blocked out. some locals later when to her rescue after the fighters left. The fighters some of whom were from her community told her that "they were not going to kill her but when they were done with her, she would kill herself". We got this story when I headed the Women's town hall meeting and workshops in Harper, Maryland County in trying to encourage women to come to the TRC. When we were there working in 2007, this particular woman was not coming out in the public and if she had to go to the market, she either went early in the morning when people were not really up and about or she went late in the evening when people were leaving the market ground. She told me that she was "ashamed" to come to the TRC, therefore, I went to her house and met with her. Her story was so public, it was the talk of the town.

Most of the time when people like Dukule give these kinds of excuses for the violence, it is because they are beneficiaries of the violence as in the case of Dukule, or they bare some responsibility for orchestrating the violence, or that they implemented the violence, and it would be easier for them to move on with their new lives if they are not reminded about their handiwork or if the rest of mankind just ignore that such violence ever existed or in the case of Dukule's argument, the violence was a necessary end to get rid of another evil. People can believe what they want, but they can not make people like us believe what they want. That is the power we have.

I was awarded the "Liberian Woman of Courage" Award from the USA Embassy in Monrovia in 2008 in the category of the State Department's International Women of Courage Award as a result of work done with women during my years as a journalist working with women in the war and while serving on the TRC. I was the first journalist on the scene of the Carter Camp massacre and the Lutheran Church massacre. I have seen and experience a lot therefore, these people can not fool me. I hope more could be done to help grass root women address the issue of poverty and the injustice they have suffered.

Massa Washington