The love story of Ralph and Edna

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day, while they were walking past the hospital's swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

IF A MAN WANTS YOU –

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. 2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. 3. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
4. Slower is better. 5. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
6. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends."
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
7. Don't settle.
8. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
9. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things
are not better. 10. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. 11. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them
pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? 12. Always have your own set of friends separate from his. 13. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. 14. If something bothers you, speak up. 15. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. 16. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. 17. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. 19. Never let a man define who you are. 20. Never borrow someone else's man. Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. 21. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. 22. All men are NOT dogs. 23. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.24. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage, deal with your issues before
pursuing a new relationship 25. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...
26. Look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. 27. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. 28. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him-
he takes it for granted. 29. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. 30. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Coming out of Africa

When I arrived in the USA, Washington, DC to be exact some hundred years ago I had no idea I would still be here in the great US. My plane landed at Dulles International Airport November 1. It was very cold with snow all over the place, I thought someone had left a very large freezer open and all the ice felt out that day. I was dressed in my Sunday best from Liberia; got to meet my stepfather for the first time. He though I could not speak English so he tried making signs towards me to follow him. I thought he was unable to speak so I followed his directions and got in the car. We got to the house and I did not see any kids playing in the yard like in Liberia or did not see anyone for days on in. I wanted to go back home to my grandparents where all my friends where. For a good week, no one came to the door, the kids did not come to get me to go out and play, I must have cried myself to sleep many nights wishing to go back home. To make matter worst, the food was really bad, the palm butter did not taste the same, the rice nor the fufu smell the same so each day I cried to be send back to Liberia and each day I was told it will get better.

Seven days after my arrival was the first day of school, talk about culture shock; I had no idea the kids did not wear uniform, that the teachers were more afraid of the kids then the kids of the teachers. Lunch for me was not anything of what I was used to seeing on my plate and did not eat until I got home. The first thing my home room teacher Mrs. Lynch told me was “let me know if anyone make fun of you or tease you for the way you speak”. I started to tell her that if I understood what they were saying (Black English) in the first place maybe I would.

The first question one of the students asked me was “how does it feel to be wearing clothes”, to God, I am not lying. They wanted to know if I lived close to Tarzan in the trees and how does it feel to sleep in a house with electric and water. Another wanted to know how I ended up with an English name like Roberta, and was I still afraid of white people, by the way, this was the 70s. They wanted me to speak “Africa” to them, which I still find insulting since Africa is a continent and not a dialect. Even today, I run into adults “blacks” of course still want me to speak Africa to them. I usually give them that “get your stupid self from out of my face and find a library” look and act like I did not hear them. Never seeing Tarzan on TV in Liberia I had to find out who was Tarzan a white person that lived in a tree in Africa and why should I be afraid of him. Then there are the boys who think been from Africa means you know nothing about dating or sex and try to take advantage of you. I felt like everything I knew about my country was a dream and of no reality what so ever; it seems like the white men had washed my country away and replace it with a town unknown to us in Liberia. But the funny part, the whites have never once asked me any of those stupid questions, why, because they know the real true but keep it away from their free slaves hoping they will stay after hearing such stories about where they the slaves came from. It worked. Worked to the point that they think Africa is the worst place to live, even the educated ones is afraid to go to Africa and still make fun at us for various reasons.

I am now hearing from Liberian teens that they are no longer been asked those stupid questions, thank God because these Liberia-war-kids would not have answer nicely. The one thing that seems to interest them now is the names coming out of Africa, so I decided to open this jar of “worm” to educate myself on the subject.

What is in a name: When we are born, we are given name(s) then we are given our last name. In most African counties, your names have meanings, this is not always the case in Liberia, and we tent to give our children English names, bible names and what has been labeled as country names. But really, what is in a name? And why is it so important to us Liberian. One might argue that your name tells us what part of Liberia you are from or your ancestor background; but is it really? Let look at the many ways we get our names in Liberia:
if you are an indigo female married a Congo man, then does that make you a Congo woman?
If you were brought up in a Congo home and carried their last name or last and first sometimes, does this make you a Congo person?
If your last name is a Congo name and you married an indigo man, does this make you an indigo?
How do we know when and where our name start and stop for the beginning of Liberia to now?
Who told us we were Congo because our last name is an English name or we are indigo because our name is an indigo name?

As Liberians some of us are very proud to be called Smith, Thomas, Johnson, Dixon, on the other hand we are also proud to be called Gbeh, Konneh, Sueh, Toun, etc, but really why are those names so important to us, did we not have indigo names before we were bought and sold and then got English names? Is it that we want everyone to know we were slave at one point in our life or we were never slaves by our names? Why have a lot of us not change our name back to where we actually come from? What makes the “white” slave name so important in Liberia or the indigo name after Tolbert Administration? As Liberian, we have indigos that were raised by Congo and carried the Congo names but as soon as the war started when Doe got in, they all ran to the department of public record and changed their names back to their indigo names, some of which they themselves can not pronounce correctly. Why did they choose to change their name? Were the Congo names not good enough? Was the country name a sign of ownership of the country? What made some people to change their names and others to keep the names they already had? Should we have changed our names as soon as we landed in Africa? What impact great or small would it have had if we all had names from the same group? Would we have had the 15 years of war in Liberia? And which groups of name we should have kept the free slaves or the indigo?

Everyone let me know your thoughts

Have a blessed day!

My hats off to the lady in the pictures below, making him stand on the street with a sign that reads "I steal, I want to go to jail like my daddy". I love this woman, she is now my new best friend. I thought I was the only crazy one in this country punishing my kids the Liberian way. Keep up the good job dear.

These are some of the things I went through with my kids and this is how I handled the situations. For all you so-called perfect Liberian parents out there that thinks these acts are child abusing, good luck on raising your children in America!

Things I did to keep them straight:

1. Hitting your parents: When my oldest son was four years old going to preschool, he noticed some of his classmates (whites) hitting on their parents and the stupid parents took the hits and did nothing in return and give their children what they wanted. He thought he try it with me, well, the child behind is still hurting from the result. I caught his hand coming my way and beat that butt so well; he couldn’t wait to tell his younger brother “never try hitting mommy, the woman will do a Mike Tyson on you”.

2. The hanging pants: I hate to see boy’s pants hanging down their knees, they can’t even walk right. I told my boys this was not an option for them. Because I am one of those parents that show up unannounced at school whenever I feel like it, one day I did a “pop-up” visits as the schools call it. I got there right around lunch time only to see my son pants hanging to his knee; he would pulled them down when he left the house. I simply asked him for my pants, that right, it mind, I bought it. I feel if you want to show your underwear, while bother wearing pants. Spending the rest of the day in your boxer and having your friends teased you all day works wonders; their pants are always up and belted.

3. Ops, I forgot: This phase is a punishment to parents for having sex I think; it drives me so crazy I had to get even. Where is your book-bag, ops, I forgot, did you do the dishes, ops, I forgot and so on. One Saturday morning I decided its time to show these nuts what we parents go through, we switched rolls. They were the parents and I was the child. I drove them insane to the point they begged to switch back by 3pm. I forgot to do the dishes so they had to do it when we switched back. I forgot to clean my room, again same thing; I forgot to cook, so they had to cook or order in to feed me. I forgot everything that day, best day I ever had at home with my kids.

4. Making fun of others: We had a very over weight female neighbor living right across the ally way from us, my boys rooms were facing her room, why she kept her window curtain open I will never understand. Each morning when they were getting ready for school, they were always laughing, calling her all kinds of funny names. One day I decided to see what the fun was all about; they were taking bets and making fun of how long it will take for her to get her shoes on or how long it will take for her to put on her underwear. Well, I decided two can play this game, I marched their butts right over to her house and told her that my boys always saw her fighting to get her trash out and wanted to help her for a month; now what she didn’t know they also had to tell her how pretty she looks in whatever outfits she was wearing each morning on her way to her car for a month as well. Few weeks of their friends teasing them for been in love with a fat lady, the laughing stop.

5. Wasting food: My kids wasted food so much that I thought I should just dump the food into the trash as soon as I get them home and bypass their stomach, its going to end there anyway so why bother to cook it first. One day, I really needed to teach these yahoos a lesson. I called a friend of mind that I used to volunteer with at the food shelter on weekends and told her what I had in mind for my kids that Saturday. She did not want to do what I had planned but you know me, stubborn is my first name, she agreed and gives in. I told the kids we were eating out, they were so happy I heard them jumping up and down. From working at the food shelter, I knew around what time they ran out of food for the day, so I packed those yahoos in the car and headed for the shelter. I circled around few times pretending to be looking for a good parking space until I saw my friends signal, I told the kids to get out and get in line, they were shocked, why are we eating here? “Well sweetheart, since you all wasted most of the food before I can get my paycheck, we ran out of food and I am not getting pay until next Friday, so this will have to do”. Get in line; I will be there as soon as I park the car. I witness those sad faces coming back to the car; I asked what happened like I had no idea, “they ran out of food mom what are we going to do, one said; does that mean we are not eating” said the other, “I guess so honey, we can go home and cook us some noodles for lunch, ok?” They were quieted all the way home, NOT ME, I took this opportunity to remind them of all the times they wasted my food and if they didn’t we would have a house full of food to eat today; how those food could have been sent to Africa to feed the hungry children. These days they think, smell and taste before wasting anything.

Lying to your face: I handled this the same way the lady is handling her son for stealing; he had to wear a sign around his neck that read: “I am a liar, I liar to my parents each time I open my mouth”; parents remember to get the school permission first, it works.

Acting up in school: We all know what happen to you in Liberia if you do this? You come close to getting kill by the teachers and your parents and sometimes even the neighbors. In America, they call the parents. As for me, the schools don’t like calling me much, I can’t imaging why, maybe because I grade them as much as I grade my kids and I sent their grades to the county board quarterly meeting; the less call to Mrs. Williams the better for them they think. But when they do call, I usually showed up. I was called to the school one day because one of my nuts decided to give a girl a hug during lunch time. One of the County Schools policies is no touching each other on school grounds. I got to the office, saw my son sitting there smiling as if he was having a cigarette break, which usually change my mood towards the negative side. I got the full story and asked the principal can I borrowed one of his chairs, he told me he did not think that was a good idea, I promise him I will not hit him with it but needed it for me. I needed the chair because my son is over six feet tall and I am barely five feet, I stood in the chair for height, collared the mutt and had him repeat the school policy for all to hear over the intercom. He also had to apology to the girl for touching her even though he was trying to calm her down when he hugged her. My husband at that time thought I was too hard on him, saying he did the right thing, of course he did but my point was policy is policy, take her to the nurse or the office for help or do it off of school grounds.


Parents, parents, taking things away from kids these days do not work. All their friends have the same thing so you are wasting your time, get even! We need to help each other out with our children. I was blessed to have raised my two boys, two sisters, one brother, one of my friend’s son and now my daughter, this my people should explain my craziness but I can tell you Its hard work, you have to be just as crazy as they are to make it from day to day sometimes; I don’t beat much anymore because the kids are bigger and taller then I am and a lot of times I don’t have the energy but I do get even each and every time. Here are some rules to help you out:

1. Never promise your kids something and don’t follow through, if you promised to beat them do it, if you promise to take away things, do it, if you don’t keep your promise good or bad, they will play you like a piano and know you are not serious.

2. No matter how tired you are, don’t let them get away with anything even if you have to give them a promissory note for later; always try to be one step ahead of them, this is America, its takes less than 10 seconds for their lives to go from home to jail.

3. Division works, if you want to know the truth, split them up and ask the same questions but in a different way and catch the liar in the group.

4. Stick together as parents, when one says no, no should be it, do not go behind the other parent back and say yes, this will tell your kids you two have no ideas what you are doing and the two of you will be at it all the time.

5. Ask for advice, your parents, friends, people that have older children, church, school teachers someone will help you out, don’t do it on your own, you will died early and they will waste your hard earned insurance money.

6. Never lend your car to someone you give birth to, first they will not remember to put gas in, secondly, the seats will be put all the way back and the radio station in YOUR car will be changed. And don’t expect them to help you clean it without you telling them to.

7. If they turn you into a grandparent before they are old enough to have kids, hit them side the head each time the baby cries in your house, I do, and it’s a great stress reliever for me and I baby-sit on my terms, when I feel like it.

8. When their friends call or come knocking on your door and don’t say hello to you first, hang up the phone and/or slammed YOUR door in their friend’s faces, again, this is a good stress reliever for me and they usually get the message. If these behaviors continue, chastise your kids, after all, it’s their friends.

9. If they can not keep their room clean, or clean it when you tell them to, lock them out of it, it’s your house that means it your room that has your clothes and your toys in it. When they leave for college, turn it into a sewing room, you will love it and that will send a message to hurry up and get your own place. I love my sewing room.

10. If they decide to lock their room door to “your” house, you have two choices, take the door off or remove the lock completely; I usually remove the lock only because the door is too heavy for me to do along.

11. Go to their schools; find out what those yahoos are doing in there. Don’t argue with the teacher in front of the kids, they will play the two of you against each other.

12. Whatever curfew you set, keep it, don’t change it unless it’s very important towards YOUR benefit. Don’t stay out all night waiting for those yahoos to show up when they feel like it. To stop them from lying on when they came in, put a wind charm over your door. I love wind charms, had one at every home I have lived in. My kids think I collect wind charms for fun, ye right; as soon as the door’s open, you’ll know the mutt is in the house because wind charm will ring. Punish them for keeping you up all night.

13. If they threaten to call the cops on you, let them, do what I did recently with my daughter, beat them right before the cops and tell the cops why you are doing it, if they don’t agree with you, tell them to take the little monster with them and no they can not bring her back until she is 18 and out of high school; the cops usually thanked you and leave.

14. This is my favorite one. They don’t want to wear what you bought them because it’s not expensive enough, who money is it, mind or there’s? Besides, I think I should be paid for wearing designer clothing, why should I walk around wearing someone else’s name on my clothes? If you want to wear your name, let me know and I will sew it on your Wal-mart shirt for you, it’s that simple. You don’t want it, get a job and buy your own until then pick those lips off the floor and move on.

15. You don’t want to eat it because it smell or it taste weird or its too hot, who told these yahoos we are their personal chief anyway, like my grandparents used to say, “you don’t want it, you must not be hungry but until you eat what is in front of you, you eat nothing else”. Same way in my house; these days everybody knows how to cook and fix sandwiches in my home.

16. Don’t want to read daily? As if after high school they wouldn’t have to read any more. No reading no TV, no reading no outside, no reading no friends over or you leaving. Best way to get them to do their reading daily without going through wwIII with them, limit the TV channels to CNN and the weather, this works. The TV in our family room has only CNN and the weather channels. Also, hide the remote control, they are lazy people, they will not want to get up and change channels. If they told you they are done reading, go to the last two pages of the book and scan it and ask them few questions, if they can not answer it, give them another book to read, for me I usually find a bigger book then the one before. All the kids I brought up were or are on the honor roll at their schools because to me reading is the same as food, you need it to live in this world. I may not be the best at it, but I make sure they are.

We need to stick together as parents and keep our old fashion way of training alive. My kids can tell you about pumping tires, standing with one foot up, pinning the ground, you name it. When my family saw how I treated my kids, I got all kinds of remarks from them. One of them even told me she will never allow her son to visit me because he might have mental problem later on in life; well, that son is now in jail serving 7 to 15 years for armed robbery; my kids on the other hand know better then to call me from any jail. In fact they will tell you, they preferred the cops keep them then to call me!

To the lady in the picture below, if anyone give you a hard time, please let me handle them for you!

Everyone have a blessed day!

No name wrote

Roberta,I think you are generalizing. One has to treat the situation case by case. Take for instance in my own case, I divorced my wife couple of years ago. We were married for nearly 21 years..........with three beautiful kids. As soon as we arrived in the U.S., she changed completely to the extent that I cuaght her dating a cook at her job. She later confessed to the act. How can you date a cook when your husband (with an MBA in Finance) is doing almost everything for you.....brought her in this country, bought her a house, car, etc. She also invited someone whom she claimed was a relative to visit with us and then slept with him while I was at work and my kids were in school. My neighbor was soo disgusted when he saw them entering a motel near our house that he alerted me. Her mother whom I brought to take care of our last child.....was very disappointed and begged me to send her back home after living with me for 10 years. Today, I am happily married to a woman from Togo and I swear I will never again in life marry a Liberian woman. How can you defend this?

This is very personal to me.......therefore, do not mention on liserve. If you need more explanation, contact me...or will contact in due course.

James Wolo Wrote

Again, Many thanks. Do not give up. In fact, I will share your thoughts with our compatriots with the UN system in Liberia and other parts.
God Bless You.

00000000000000000000000000000
With Compliments
James Wolo
Head Media Monitoring and Development
Public Information Section
United Nations Mission in Liberia

Chorphie Charlie wrote

> >Are you indicating that there are FASLE Liberian men? So why disagree with > >what the woman had said. No wonder NGee alway say that our too much > >knowledge is what suffering us. What was there to argue? If a white man had > >made such assertion, you would be like: dammit! your na read the report > >about Liberian men?> >On the altar of Jehovah, I pledge undying resistance to tyranny> >

John Wensea Guewell wrote

Ms. Williams,

Maybe you do not need a MAN period. Maybe you need something else or you need something from space. The issues you wrote about, is the world's issues. It is not Liberian MEN'S issues alone. I have been living in this country (USA) for the last 27 years; and before that, I spent some times in Europe. Most of the allegation you raised against Liberian MEN, is happening all over the world. Do not make Liberian MEN your punching bag. Secondly, there are some great Liberian men. Do more fact finding; before you post another garbage about Liberian MEN or WOMEN.

Have a nice day,

John Wensea Guewell
CALIFORNIA

Thomas N Twalla Wrote

Why are you been so unfair, you forget to use the word some.Although some man do the things you listed on the other hand some Liberian showed their wife and children love and caring. Please try to balance your writting.

Francis Nyeekpee wrote

Ms. Williams,
Thanks again for sharing your true thoughts with us as Liberian men. Everything I read in your email is true and nothing but the true. As I told you yesterday, I am presently in Liberia, after spending 26 years in America, I do not see things like I did before leaving Liberia. I am not sure why our women take the things they take form us Liberian men. I get very upset when I see women being treated like second class citizens. Again, I say thanks a million for your information and I will try to pass them on to many people to read. Hope to get more from you.
God bless you,
Francis Nyeekpee

Hempstead Wrote

Wow, sister Roberta, you you hit a nerve! Find me a Liberian girl!

I am married to a non-Liberian, and I must say, I need my own. I am tired with the experience I wanted. I miss the Liberian woman! You know something though, when I was looking for one to marry, I found none. The ones I knew were loud, always drinking and smoking. And I hate to see a woman drink, not even one beer. I don't drink. I don't smoke. Okay, I know what you are thinking...No, I am not a muslim. I am a Catholic.

Chea Wrote

Oh, Roberta, I just visited your Blog.

Hey, sister, about your Things Liberian Men do..I think I am an exception. I don't do these things. I detest those who do. I think America changed my perspective. I have been here 28 years. I attended high school here and went as far as obtaining a master's degree from Colubia University Teachers College. Those who prey on little girls are a scum to our society, and I thank God for the leadership of Ellen. I think her leadership instills in our young girls a sense of themselves. Ellen's leadership instills a sense of worth in our young girls. Ellen's leadership is educating our young girls to ward off the advances of older men, especially our so-called minister/government officials who use their positions to mess up our little girls, leaving their wives at home and promising "roses" to the young ones. Mind you, these very people have thie own girl children who are as close in age as the ones they are fooling around with. It's sad, and I wish I was a rich man. If I were, I would have a scholarship foundation that would support many of our young girls in schools in Liberia. Well, I am trying to work on something like this.

Hey, my dear, keep on doing what you are doing. By the way, I let's talk via phone:

Chea

Bernard John wrote

Ms. RW,
>How come you are a single mother of 3? Did you come accross some of the
>SPERM donners? No wonder you are so mad with Liberian men. We will be
>good men as soon as you Liberian WOMEN stop playing yourselves, and
>thinking that you are playing us. RW, do not be a player hater, try and
>ghet with the game.
>
>TBC

Smalekebu wrote

It is unfair to indict Liberian men because of the negative experience you've had with the men you CHOSE. My guess is that the only men you find attractive have the personalities you described in your writing. Have you ever considered dating men of better qualities than the ones you have dated? There is good and bad characteristics in every man. It doesn't matter whether they're from Liberia or the Moon. If I may offer an advise, I suggest that you look for men whose personalities compliment yours. Remember, they don't have to be form Liberia. Good Luck in your search!!

piso Wrote

I'm right here my brother!!!!
I decided not speak in the place of RW and only deigned it necessary to respond to TBC by saying "whateveRrrrrrr" - but since you're asking, here goes:
It is sad (but at the same time very revealing) that some of you men are reading too, too much into this and have automatically blocked out that these are mere generalities, and, are making it personal to RW.
I'll be hopeful and use the word "granted" - so, yes, let's say, granted that this piece does not apply to every single LIB Man. Realistically speaking, I think RW's "tirade" comes not so much in the negative sense, as in a sense of throwing light on - and giving a voice to - issues that almost every single LIB female can empathize with, and not necessarily -ONLY- because they've experienced it first hand, but, because their mother, sister, daughter, girl-cousin, and/or female friends, have; and they'd had to be hand-holders in that process.
Does this mean that these traits are all singularly particular to men RW dated? Does it mean RW should come under a barrage of personal attacks? I say no.
Men like TBC, John Wensea Guewell [et al] who've responded to RW 's piece "in kind", just managed to show that RW's 27-Count negative characteristics of LIB Men, strongly resonates with them and that RW spoke true to [their] form! And so, like cornered animals, their instincts took over and they resorted to lashing out because -they've been pushed to the wall!
Remember an adage used regularly in LIB: "What makes a man SHAME, makes him VEX/MAD"?
Well, such is the situation here with your brothers who've managed to come on up in here and show their true colors, BJ;
Sadly, all they've actually managed to do, is, add the #s 28 & 29 of "Things Liberian Men do that are WRONG!!!"
So, at the risk of stealing RW's spotlight, AND in the hopes of not doing so, here goes:
#28. Liberian men will exhibit the highest level of immaturity once in a situation where they feel cornered.
#29: Liberian Men are quick to jump to conclusions and do not go into situations with OPENED EYES.
(RW - feel free to adapt these into the original 27 as, I, in this public manner, do give you the copyrights:):)
Now back to Mr.TBC (et al for that matter): So, contrary to what you thought - thereby propelling yourself into hastily jumping to the wrong conclusions (and, getting on the defensive so that, in the process, you've unwittingly set yourself up for a psycho analytic session), as with her piece on LIB Women, RW was generalizing as per our LIB way of life and, simply saying IT as IT is brotherman!
Therefore, TBC , YOU, MY FRIEND CAN'T STOP THE SHINING, so instead, take heed and try to learn to SHINE ur eyes my man, shine your eyes!!!!

Wc solomon Wrote

Dear Ms Williams

I am not Liberian but I welcome these remarks.

I really want to thank you for writing such a clear, direct and honest letter. This problem is not just a Liberian problem some of the same things occur in other cultures but I know Liberian men that have failed in some of the areas you have mentioned. This is a SIN PROBLEM.

I suspect that part of the reason for the judgement of God through the bloody civil war was the very matters you have raised. I am really saddened by the behavior I have observed and the information you have shared, I pray God's mercy on such men Liberian or not.

My question to you as a highly intelligent woman who has articulated this matter better than I have seen or heard, who are raising these men since their fathers have abandoned them? Is it not their mothers? Of course the fathers' examples are what the boys are following but what can mothers do to break this cycle and curse from off their sons since the fathers are not in the home enough? I really need your answers as I want to use your advice and wise counsel to help Liberian men and women in the future. By the way I think Liberian women are not just beautiful but intelligent, hardworking, reliable and thoughtful. They are not things but God's daughters and I have strongly rebuked any man who tried to use them, Pastors and all !!!

Honestly Seeking your advice to end this disaster!

ws

Robert Sesay wrote

Hey Roberta,

I received your email and i must say it's good. In fact, as a matter of fact, i'm currently producing my first movie. It's called MOMMY LOVES YOU... it's addresses pologamy, incest and immigration... could it matter if i got to know more about you? Pls?

Thanks anyway for your insight into Liberian men... But i must sday that why your piece try to generalizes Liberian men, it's not blancket... there are still few good ones (us lol) that have all the good characteristics of modern men...

Anyhow, talk to you soon... hope to hear from you...

Bye for now.

webward2004 wrote

Good points - just a few things though: You (or whoever put this together) sound like a victim of all these things. However, there are a few of us (Liberian men) out there who value, honor, and love our women and our family. Additionally, there are a few of us who understands that it is important to be honest. My point is - it is unfair to generalize. There may be exceptions.PSI would like to see the list of things Liberian Women do that are wrong as well.

Arthur Siaway Wrote

Amos, Your argument is quite sound. Perhaps RW has had experiences only with the type of Liberian men thatshe characterized in her posting. Also, you made an excellent point in your last paragraph; there are Liberian women who do even worse than what RW says about Liberian men. I hesitate to chip in here because I find most of RW's assertions to be counter-intellectual and non-research-based. RW will be pleasantly surprised, and she definitely will revise her views, if she does a careful and sound research on a large sample of Liberian men in the diaspora. Kudos to you!

Arthur Siaway

Joanna Carr Diabe

Good Evening to all,This is a very interesting epistle. As a transparent woman, wife and mother, while some of the below listed are true about our men we need to examine the root-cause. I will list my response in numerical order and expand. I will come clean on both end. I am currently doing some research on the Liberian family in America with emphasis on Women. Once this is completed, I will be holding seminars to empower women and men.1. Men were never taught.Some of our men are depressed, hurting and lost. When we enter relationships, each of us bring our own prejudice and baggage from our upbringing.First of all, we must not neglect the acceptable way of life in Liberia. We have rewarded bad behavior so much that some women feel it is a normal think for a man to sleep around. Remember we all have weaknesses.Most of our Liberian men never had a father figure who set good morals for them to follow. Most of our men grew up in un-structured homes where they knew their dad's concubine and never saw their mothers complain. Most of our men never saw their father pray with the mothers in the home, most of the fathers never sat down with their children to teach them, look at home work or mentor and nurture them. Most of our men never saw their fathers give their mothers flowers. Most of our men witness their mothers with several different men in their lives. Most of our men were never complimented. Most of our men were never taught that sex is for married people only. Most of our men never saw their dad take them to the library. Our fathers did not know that speaking negatively about women in front of their sons were wrong, most of our fathers did not know that it was wrong to use profanity, drink acohol in front the children were wrong. Our men were never taught. Remember we all are at liberty to do what we feel best. Some men were taught but have made up their mind to go contrary to the teachings of their youth.Women:We were not taught to love, honor and respect our husbands. We were not taught that sex is for married people only. We were not taught that a man's pride is his wife. We were never taught that the man is the head of the household. We were never taught the basics of setting high standard for ourselves. We saw our mothers have extra marital affairs, we saw our mothers engaging in several relationships at the same time. Some of our mothers were never taught. Some of our mothers were taught but made these poor choices based on their conditionsNow Woman to WomanI study the Bible closely and will speak in this regard. Women we are highly favored. We are precious daughters. We are mothers. We the future builder. I will talk woman to woman. Some of us Liberian women, married or single have no regards, respect and integrity for themselves, bodies and who they sleep with lest alone for the examples we set for their daughters.Some of us women do not understand that a man does not have to be in love with you to have sex with you. Because some of us have low self esteem and do not honor our bodies we fall for the least I love you. Woman to Woman, we need to examine our lives and the things that are causing these men to walk through us.I will be frank with you, if you are a Christian woman who goes to a good church and compromise and have pre-marital sex, you are heading for trouble. Some of us dress indecently, we expose our bodies, we fall for everything. We must understand that a man sex drive is based on impulse. A man can have sex with you the today and ten minutes after that ignore you. We have to learn to say NO. We have to put a high value on ourselves. Because everybody is doing it does not mean it is right. As women of integrity, we must learn that a man's pride is his wife. As a married woman and a mother, no matter what a man does does to you, this does not give you the right to go and sell yourself cheap by engaging in extra marital affairs. There are consequences for all of our actions. Woman to Woman, once you let the guild down before the honorable way God has ordained it, you have sold your birth right and integrity. Because we were never taught, we all made one mistake or the other but now that we are learning the truth, we need to stand our ground and not compromise. If every woman can stand her ground and tell a man, I am not going to have sex with you until you marry me . We will see a change in our men. But since we are desparate, when one man leaves our sister, we jump there and say the worse thing about that sister forgetting to know that what goes around comes around. Women we have to be real. We all have had relationships where we were hurt one way or the other, now I find it surprising that we tend to forget and ignore the hurt we experienced in bad relationships and blame our sisters when a relationship goes wrong. People have split personalities. Some men and women will treat outsiders nicely and treat their spouses cruelly behind close doors. Woman to Woman we need to examine our lives and set high standards.Economics I am not justifying sexing out of wed lock. Due to financial hardships, we find ourselves sleeping around for survival. We all need survival and will do whatever we need to do survive. Remember God said He will never leave us nor forsake us.Children,If you a a single mother who have had children out of wedlock, do not be hard on yourself. We all have made mistakes and God has forgiven us. Children are blessings whether born in wedlock or not. Single mothers, you can be all that Christ wants to you to be to your children. Do not envy a two parent home. There are some men and women who are present but yet absent. Now that you have learned the truth, pray that God will help you set examples and pray that your children do not make the same mistakes you made.Back to Men,Men, there are consequences for all of your actions. You have daughters and mothers. Do unto your wife as you would have someone do unto your sisters, daughters and mothers. Have respect for yourselves. Have self control. Walk in integrity. Be men of valor. Surround yourselves with God fearing men who are committed to family, who hate adultery, surround yourselves with men who will encourage you to do the right thing that will bring Glory to God first. Surround yourselves with positive people who believe honor the institution of marriage and will frown on extra-marital affairs. Surround yourselves with men who take time to pray for their wives and children. Surround yourselves with men who will speak positively in your life who will tell you the truth in love. Do not surround or spend most of your time with underachievers and men with no values. No matter who you are bad communication corrupts good manner. Men if it means leaving the group to satisfy God and be all God has called you to be to society and your family. Make the sacrifice. Some men are like babies. They are most concern about what their friends will say about them rather than what God says about them. When you get in trouble do you call your friends name or do you call God's name? Men if you are in a church where you are not being taught the truth, you need to change your environment. If you are in a church where the truth it being taught and ignore to live by the principles of the Bible because you want to be accepted by your friends, you are heading for destruction. I have never seen anyone who disobey God prosper. ONE may think that you are prospering, but deep down inside, the hurt and mental torture is there. Men are you treating your wives the way you want your future son in law to treat your daughters? Women are we treating our husbands the way we want our future daughter in laws to treat our sons?We all are guilty one way or the other. We can all turn around and make a new start. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.People ask me why I am so involve and very religious. I tell them that my faithfulness to God is not only during poverty. America will never change me or make me compromise my faith to be accepted. I rather everyone hating me and have God like me. Because I know when God says yes, no man can say no. I remembered, I attended every Bible study, prayer meeting, fasting, vigil in Liberia after I became a Born Again. When I had nothing I was faithful to God. Now God has blessed me tremendously with His grace and all my needs, why should I stop doing what I used to do in poverty? God is not a seasonal God that we will only call on him in trouble. At times we wonder why things are not happening for us, why our children are acting up or why we keep going around and around in circles. We need to get real with ourselves, repent and ask God for help. It is not too late. Women you are precious, you are the apples of God's eyes. Men you are the torch bearers, you are the high priest. Do not neglect your roles or lower your standard for 10 minutes of pleasure. Women it is not acceptable to sleep with a man you are not married to neither to say to sleep with somebody husband. I know it is difficult, If I say that it is easy, I will be the greatest liar on earth. But remember that God will never leave you nor forsake you. God said that He will provide all your needs. The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof. We all have made this mistake but you can start afresh. When you are in Christ you are a new creation, old things have passed away and behold all things have become new. We can all start today. God can help us if we ask him. Fathers maybe you have not been the man God has called you to be. It is never too late. God will meet you where you are if you submit and surrender all to him. Do not let your living be in vain, God can change things around. Nothing is impossible with God. We can all adjust a little to the expectations of this society so our homes, children, families and society can be a better place.May God help all of us in Jesus Name.Peace
Joanna Carr Diabe